Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the idea of giving birth? Like maybe at one point it was one of your worst fears?
Because it seems like so many things can go wrong. And even though you are worried about the baby, you are also worried about pain and how you are going to get through it.
And your heart is on the line. This child isn’t just a bunch of cells, but your hopes and dreams and future. Someone you’ve dreamed of. Someone that matters.
And maybe everything has gone as you planned, and you still feel a little nervous. Or maybe things have been hard and you feel a lot uncertain.
One moment you’re so excited about the future…And the next, you are drowning in the uncertainty of what birth actually means.
Listen mama, I see you.
Overcoming Fear When You’re Scared To Give Birth
The biggest obstacle in preparing for birth is not in what you know about the details of labor, like knowing exactly what contractions feel like, but in knowing the details of your heart.
Learning to trust your body and allowing it to do its job is paramount.
You’ve never questioned if you would know whether or not to take your hand off a burning fire. Your instincts wouldn’t let you do anything else.
And so your body knows how to birth.
But we’ve been taught to doubt, fear, wobble in our certainty, especially in ourselves. And this is where the true work of pregnancy begins.
Feeling the feelings, and using them to transform.
So that you can lean into your birth with joy and positive expectation.
A Quick Way To Overcome Your Fear of Giving Birth In 5 Minutes Or Less
Let me teach you a simple way to ground down and connect with the part of you that already knows exactly what to do in birth and motherhood.
You are made for this.
“Just as a woman’s heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale and her hand to pull back from fire, So she knows when and how to give birth” Virginia Di Oro
Overcoming The Fear Of Pain In Childbirth
Every woman holds different fears about birth in her heart. Some women fear the health risks, some women fear for their baby, especially if they have experienced loss. Some moms worry about the pain of actually giving birth.
While therapy is an amazing resource for fear about loss and a doctor or functional nutritionist can help you ease your fear about health, there has been a hug gap in the availablity of tools to help with the fear of pain.
That is why I made a one-hour workshop for moms on this topic exactly. If you are worried about how you will cope with the pain of labor, my class How Not To Freak Out In Labor will teach you how you can lessen the amount of pain you feel during childbirth before labor even begins and 11 of the best coping strategies that will get you through every stage of labor.
There are also several excellent childbirth classes available online or in-person that will take you even deeper through the changes in your body and how to cope with them.
Is It Natural To Be Scared Of Childbirth?
As a doula, I’ve been part of about 100 births in the last year alone. Let me tell you something. Every single one of these moms faced fear before and during and after delivery.
Fear is a gift. It guides us to where we are vulnerable.
When you listen to it, you are able to strengthen yourself, so that you get to a point that you no longer have to fear. Or at least to a point where you don’t live in the fear.
A reasonable amount of fear will help you prepare for birth and protect your newborn.
Some moms benefit from taking a childbirth course or talking with a therapist if their fears are so big they can not address them or work through them to a place of confidence.
I also have a simple workshop that you can take to come up with a plan on how you will manage labor pains without totally freaking out.
What About When You’re Scared Of Giving Birth Again?
It’s important to remember that every single birth is different If you experiened trauma in your first birth, seek the help of a qualified therapist. Trust me, it’s worth it.
Taking a childbirth course and finding a new and supportive childbirth team can also benefit.
There is no reason that your first birth has to dictate your following births.
How Do I Stop Being Scared Of Childbirth?
There are 5 really great ways to stop being scared to give birth.
- Journal out your fears every single day so there are no hidden beliefs or thought patterns.
- Immerse yourself in a positive birth culture by reading birth stories and watching birth videos.
- Find someone you trust to talk about your feelings and help you develop a new paradigm about birth.
- Read books about pregnancy and birth. This is a list of some of my favorites. And make sure to add my book to your cart as it is specifically meant to help moms with childbirth fear.
- Take care of your body and work closely with a qualified midwife.
Why Are Some Women Not Afraid Of Giving Birth?
The truth is, we have all had different exposures to what giving birth is like and what it means. There are women who say that birth is the MOST painful thing they have ever experienced. There are other women who have had orgasmic births.
The truth is, both are possible.
In fact, I’ve experienced both.
Some women are not afraid of giving birth because they have had support in coming to love and understand how powerful their body mind and spirit is.
There is a great sense of peace when you both know that something will be hard, and also that you can do it.
In the end, there is an amazing feeling of pride and love when you hold your newborn. And if you dont feel it right away, it develops over time.
That knowledge, and anticipating that great feeling, strengthens a lot of moms .
Birth is physiologically sound. You are made to do this.
What If A Birth Partner Is Not Taking Your Fear Of Giving Birth Seriously?
If you are scared to give birth and your partner is not taking you seriously, you may have to make some difficult choices.
I will be honest with you. My first pregnancy I was very scared. I wanted to take a childbirth class, but my husband didn’t want to invest the time and money. So we didn’t do it.
That birth ended up really difficult and affected our marriage for a long time.
At the end of the day, this is your body, your baby and your job to get this baby out. If your fear is lingering, take action and do something about it.
Take a class, go to a therapist or hire a doula. Do what you need to do.
Partners don’t have to go through it the same way you do. And frankly, sometimes they just don’t know how big of a deal it is to give birth. Set a boundary and make sure you have the support you need.
TL/DR If You’re Scared To Give Birth
It’s totally normal to be scared to give birth. Your fear guides to places where you might need more support or learning or practice. Listen to it. If it overcomes you, then get help from a therapist, childbirth education class or my How To Not Freak Out During Labor workshop.