She knew the birth she wanted, and she was going to get it no matter what.
She wasn’t the sort of person to give up. She hated when people told her the things that ‘could go wrong’ or did go wrong in their own births.
She had her bubble of peace, and she didn’t want anyone or anything to interfere with her thoughts of having the perfect birth.
“If people just decided to have a positive birth, it will happen for them, and for me too.” she told me.
But, I had a feeling something more was happening in Beth’s thoughts about birth.
When we talked a little further, I found out that her mom had had very traumatic birth experiences and the feeling of birth truly being safe, was something she wanted, and was trying to will into her life.
Was it really commitment Beth was feeling, or was it something completely different?
Most of us value commitment, we want to know that we have the power to create a specific outcome in our life. We want to know that based on our actions, we can remove all risk and be one hundred percent safe.
But what if commitment is exactly what’s getting in the way?
Maybe you’ve been so committed to something, not getting it left you devastated. Have you ever wanted something so badly, you just had to ignore anything that made you aware it might not work out? Is commitment in these cases always a good thing…
OR has it turned to something else?
Many of us hold onto control for dear life
The reality is that things go much more smoothly when we allow them to happen instead of making them happen
When we’re able to trust that we are OK no matter the circumstances, we open ourselves up to possibilities. These are possibilities that weren’t there when we firmly attached ourselves to what we deemed was the “right” path
Deepak Chopra teaches that “uncertainty can’t be wished away, therefore it is deeply valuable to come to terms with it.”
Beth thought that what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her. Unfortunately, remaining naïve may have it’s benefits, but it won’t help you move from a place of grasping for control to actually finding the feelings of peace, acceptance and knowing you’ve done your part.
Beth’s dreams for her birth mattered. If she searched her heart, she would see that exploring her fears and getting a true picture of the task in front of her, would help her actually have the Confidence she was trying to will into her life.
Could she let go of her control and fear that her birth may not go exactly as she planned if it meant that she could actually come to a place of feeling safe and relaxed about birth?
Here are three questions you can use to see if you’re approaching birth with a sense of involved commitment or if you are willing your birth to be something you’re less than prepared for:
1. Would I be at peace even if my birth goes differently than planned?
Think about everything that you are worried about going wrong in your birth actually going wrong. Maybe you have a c-section or the process is a bit more dramatic and complicated than you expected.
Are you able to accept that this is a real possibility for every birth? Do you feel you did your part and so you can be okay with the outcome with the proper time to heal? Would you be able to find joy even in the changes? If so, you’re committed.
If not, you may be trying to control.
2. Do you have an accurate map of what is inside your sphere of influence and what is outside your sphere of influence?
By this I mean, do you feel like you know what to do to influence the way your birth unfolds, or are you just hoping the pieces will work out for you or even pretending there are no important pieces you can move?
Do you have to ask people not to share their stories because it might uncenter you? Do you feel like you can’t ask the questions most important to you because the answers might not be what you want? Do you feel like you might feel shame or disappointment in yourself if your birth doesn’t turn out a certain way?
3. Have I built the proper support systems around me to feel supported through birth?
When you’re committed you do it because birthing a certain way would bring you joy and be good for both you and your baby. But you know that you aren’t doing it alone.
When you’re in control mode, you stick with a plan, even if it seems to be a good plan, and expect yourself to do it on your own or you fear letting others down.
But birth isn’t a win lose game. It’s a process that’s enhanced by moving through it with openness and curiosity. Develop these traits and you’ll succeed every time.
If you’re a mom who is genuinely curious about how she can make birth safer for yourself and your baby, you are going to love my comprehensive birth course Birth Undone.
In this course, you will gain knowledge that will undo your fear and sense of uncertainty, you will discover the right nutrition and exercises that can undo risk and make your birth safer and more predictable than it was before, you will learn what to expect and gain practical tools for handling contractions that will undo pain and make birth totally manageable from start to finish.
I would LOVE to help you find your confidence to joyfully, safely give birth.
Either way, you deserve a beautiful, powerful unforgettable birth.
Here’s to the personal growth we find i the process of creating life,